when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
