Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
