I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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