i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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