Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't deserve a penis
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
