Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
