i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Everything about him screamed your future.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
