If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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