Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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