It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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