Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
