Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize