Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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