can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
