why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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