I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
