I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How's work?
Spinning.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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