I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
