When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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