his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
