How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
