I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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