I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
