just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
