Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
NoShamevember. You game?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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