Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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