I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize