sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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