Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
