This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
