And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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