shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
