R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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