Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
