Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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