I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
