I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
