I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize