I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize