i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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