Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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