also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
false alarm. still invincible.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
