I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
