How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I will pee on everything he values.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
