I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my liver is dry heaving
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
