I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
