help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
