You're a womanizer and a bitch.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
