naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
