I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
