Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
