battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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