I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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