when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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