TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
