u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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