How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
