Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
