You're my little dorito
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
