so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
