We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
