Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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