There was a lot of him and a little penis
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
