He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
