We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize