Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
