I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
