I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
