I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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