just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize