if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
