He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
ttyl tear gas
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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