i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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