you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
