Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
