Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
