i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
