ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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