He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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