You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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