Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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