I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
