u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
