how can u be prego again
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
People in love make me want to vomit
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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