Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
