can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my liver is dry heaving
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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