watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
