Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
