I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
