.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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