): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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