soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
