You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
