Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
