You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
