I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
