you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my poor anus
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
